Nick Charles (wheelerwoolsey) wrote in jack_benny,
Nick Charles

Some of Jack's Favorite Gags

Continuing the celebration of Jack Benny's birthday.....some of Jack's favorite gags....

As quoted in the book Sunday Nights At Seven:

Rochester is baking a cake. "Boss," he calls out from the kitchen, "we're fresh out of flour."
"I'll go over to the Colmans' and borrow a cup," I said. (Benita and Ronald Colman played my next-door neighbors.) You hear me getting a cup, leaving the house, walking across, then clink-clink, coins dropping in the cup. "Thank you," I say gratefuly and continue walking. You hear a bicycle. A Western Union messenger hands me a telegam. You hear a bill crackling.
"Oh boy, a dollar, gee thanks a lot, Mr. Benny," the messenger says. He returns a few seconds later. "Oh, Mr. Benny, I forgot my bicycle."
"You didn't forget it--I BOUGHT IT...I sure hate people who make deals and don't stick by them."

Driving home from the country club, I look morose. "Rochester!"
"Yes, boss."
"Maybe we ought to go back to that golf course and look for my ball some more."
"We ain't never gonna find it. Why don't you give up?"
"Give up? Give up? Rochester, suppose Columbus gave up? He never would have discovered America. Then what would have happened?"
"We'd be looking for that ball in Spain, boss."

On Christmas, Rochester was shopping for a tie to give me. "Here is one," the salesman said. "It might be a little too plain for your employer though. Is he a young man?"
"No," said Rochester.
"Is he middle-aged?"
"Is he elderly?"
"Wrap it up!"

The following Christmas, Rochester decided to give me cuff links. "What type of man is your boss?" the salesman asked.
"Well he's medium tall, medium weight and rather conservative."
"By conservative, do you mean he's penurious?"
"You're headed in the right direction, but there's a long, long trail a-winding."
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